so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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