...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
