I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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