I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
