yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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