i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
