Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just pee around me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
