I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
