please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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