Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
