Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm gonna have a badass scar
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
