when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
