actually, I'm a sock model
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
