I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
