So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
