Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
