If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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