awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
