I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
