I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
