You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
