He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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