i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
