a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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