Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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