remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
