my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
