Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
