Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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