We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
