you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
