I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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