you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i believe in u and ur pee
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
