Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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