guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Houston, we have a blender
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
