I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
