SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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