The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
