Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
false alarm. still invincible.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
