Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
did i just pee glitter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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