Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
