Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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