Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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