Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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