my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
