the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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