I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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