Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
