forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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