Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
