No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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