Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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