He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
