Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
