we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I will die if light touches me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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