I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
